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Parenting the Parent
By: Damon Taylor
Choosing to be a parent is one of the most important decisions that a person can make. Once you become a parent, you are one for life. Thus, making the choice to have children is a decision that should not be made lightly. We live in a complex and often threatening society, and raising children in such a society can be one of the most taxing jobs that anyone can undertake. Despite the enormous responsibility that comes with raising a child, or children, it can also be one of the most rewarding.
Parents who are new to the world of parenting, can find it extremely difficult to manage their child, and in particular, their child's behaviour. Whilst some of us may have children who appear to be angels from above, many parents in today's society face the hardship of managing tantrums and ongoing requests for new and innovative toys.
Whilst parenting can be a memorable and at the same time stressful time in one's life, one of the most important skills that a parent can have is the ability to discipline children effectively. Whilst rules and expectations vary from family to family, most parents endeavour to teach their children how to behave in a manner that is acceptable and appropriate.
Psychologist (OLeary, 1995) report, that parents must use appropriate and effective techniques when disciplining their children. Such techniques involve the following:
1. Being Consistent;
2. Avoiding excessive harsh forms of discipline;
3. Avoiding excessive laxness;
4. Being receptive to bargaining;
5. Showing affection to children when disciplining
Being consistent entails following through with what you say you are going to do. Many of us throw empty threats at our children in the hope that they will behave, however we also fail to follow through when our child continues with their inappropriate behaviour.
Avoiding excessive harsh forms of discipline is imperative to ensuring that children do not learn that hurting others is acceptable. In today's society we are faced with many debates pertaining to the culture of 'smacking'. Whilst many of us may have been smacked as children ourselves, research today reveal that children can be disciplined effectively by adopting alternative forms of punishment such as time out.
Avoiding excessive laxness is similar to being consistent. Laxness involves establishing the rules and then failing to follow them or enforce them. This teaches the child that the rule doesn't really count, thus they simply ignore the rule.
Being receptive to bargaining entails discovering compromises that are both acceptable to the parent and the child. It allows the child to have some autonomy whilst adhering to the boundaries set in the home.
Showing affection to your child when disciplining is important in order to ensure that your child feels loved even when they are being reprimanded. This is vital for your child's development and for attachment.
When disciplining your child it is also important to remember not to overreact. Often parents discipline their child when they are tired, stressed or frustrated, thus the parents not only react to the child's behaviour, but to also their own internal feelings. Sometimes it helps to compose yourself or perhaps to allow your partner to discipline if you feel that you may not be able to control your emotions.
Engaging in lengthy verbal interactions with your child about their misbehaviour is also infective. Often children are too young to understand the abstract principles you are attempting to apply to the issue. It is important to understand that children are concrete thinkers, thus what you say is often interpreted as what you are going to do. For instance, some parents may retort "I'm going to kill you if you don't get here this instance", a young child will interpret such a comment literally. Thus, they will react with fear and become extremely emotional. Furthermore, when children are upset, they find it extremely difficult to process what they are being told by a parent during the incident. Often it is easier to allow the child to have time out, and then to discuss the behaviour together in a settled and non-conflicting environment.
We are all different as parents and we all bring our values and beliefs into our parenting practices. Whilst difference should be embraced, ensuring that these simple principles are adopted within your parenting practices will result in effective behaviour management.
Article Source: http://www.ezarticles.info
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